It's too bad that the Disney princesses are classified as "children's movies". It really is. Even as an adult, I'll admit they still have a hold on me.
Not the 'damsel in distress' or the 'one true love' or the 'happily ever afters'. That's all cliche and while I'm sure it gets others through, it just isn't my cup of tea. While there are several of the princesses I find compelling, I find myself drawn back to a select few. Ariel, Belle, Mulan, and Meg. While several of the others have similar aspects or struggles, I personally find these three stand out among the rest.
We'll start with Ariel; she's a young, headstrong, restless young girl who feels out of place in her environment. Despite the counsel of everyone around her she's determined to try and stand on her own, to seek the life SHE is most drawn to. The harder anyone tries to hold her back, the stronger her curiosity gets until her father by all rights betrays her by destroying her sanctuary because 'he knows what's best' and ultimately drives her to Ursula. Initially, she knew she couldn't be trusted but felt she had no other choice. Eventually, Ariel's misplaced trust brought hardship to her family, thankfully because it's a Disney production it all worked out in the end. Ariel's actions are not excused as justifiable, but she is met with understanding.
Belle's another misfit. She lives in a small, quiet village where she finds respite from the mind numbing tedium of day to day life in her books. Sweeping tales that carry her far away and give her a glimpse of adventure and life that she doesn't have the opportunity to experience for herself. Because she doesn't meet her community's standards, her village gossips and mocks her because she isn't like everyone else. Gaston, the self- absorbed, narcissistic, popular 'alpha' of the town tries to interact with her, but only in order to appease his own desires. He finds her just as odd as the rest, but she visually satisfies him and WHO she is doesn't matter so long as he gets what he wants out of her. Then, she finds herself living with a 'Beast'. Someone that seems irredeemable, cruel, and completely self absorbed. When it comes down to it, Belle stands up for the 'Beast' because she sees something within him that no one else sees because they can't get past his outward appearance. She helps him grow as a person and rediscover his humanity. Again, she DOES get a happily ever after because, Disney.
Then there's Mulan who continues our theme of misfits. She's another young woman who finds herself out of place and is ridiculed by her village as a result. Even her own parents struggle to force her to conform to what is 'expected' of her. Instead, she forges her own path and in the end proves she was doing the right thing all along. Before she completes this journey she (like Ariel) damages her relationship with her parents, is shunned by her friends, and finds herself at a place where it seems impossible that she will ever be able to have a 'normal' or 'respectable' life again. She ends up with her Disney ending, but only because she fights for it and takes it for herself.
I save Meg for last because she's not technically a princess. She's a young woman who finds herself paying for a poor choice she made to protect someone she loved. She's left with trust issues, insecurities, and yet still has the fortitude to stand by her own code in the end despite doing terrible things along the way. Like Ariel, her actions are never skewed to be justifiable nor are they really excused, she's understandable. The people who love her in the end forgive her because they see her for who she is, not only what she's done.
The really funny thing is, I'm not a minority for having watched Disney films. I'm not even a minority for enjoying them as adult. Unfortunately, when the movie ends and the DVD is put away or the stream is turned off, that seems to be the end of it. It's done.
But Ariel, Belle, Mulan and Meg are all real. They are people you know. They're the misfit in the crowd. They're that person who lashes out in fear of going through the same heart break again. They're that person who goes back to the same 'bad' person again and again because they're hoping they can help them. They're that person at the party who everyone sits watching the 'spectacle' or makes people 'uncomfortable' and becomes the town's gossip for a while after.
The really sad part is, in real life, the town doesn't typically come around. Ariel, Belle, Mulan, Meg, they're stuck floundering on their own. Meg has a tough time reaching out because she doesn't know who she can really trust, and who's just going to make her situation worse. Ariel, Mulan and Belle feel trapped in their lives, anxious because no matter what they do they just don't fit, they can't seem to find a way to measure up to what's expected of them but they can't find the courage to do or go where they WILL be able to flourish.
It's much easier to sit and judge from a place of comfort or success than to try to relate. It's easier to laugh and talk about what a mess someone is than it is to show compassion. It's uncomfortable to see someone hit their breaking point or lose control.
It's not hard to spot someone who doesn't fit into the crowd like Ariel, Belle, or Mulan. It's difficult for Meg to break through her baggage of anxiety and abuse to reach out, much less trust someone else for help. Meg has all those demons and more that she struggles with every day on her own.
I am Ariel. I am Belle. I am Mulan. I am Meg.
I can't sleep at night because my head never stops. I always have a constant replay of the past on loop in my head. Stupid, little, seemingly trifling things in the day can trigger any of them to the surface. I end up lashing out at people who don't honestly deserve it. Typically, I end up suppressing my opinions, curtailing my behavior because I know that who I am and what I think will only earn me further discomfort. I am the girl who has never been who she 'should be'. Who didn't do what was 'expected of her'. I am the girl who never felt like she fit in her own skin. I am the person who has never felt at home, and has always felt a longing for it. None of it has ever changed. I see things in people that others don't, and frequently against better judgement I fight to bring it to the surface. I regret when I get out of hand. I do recognize when I could have handled a situation better. I know my demons. Nights like this are not unusual that I'm up till 5 in the morning.
I am blessed that I have one person who knows ME. Who knows my story, who knows me. All my best qualities and my darkest demons. Someone who I can tell absolutely anything to and not worry about who else it's going to get back to. Someone who always has and always will have my back unconditionally. Who if I admit I am genuinely in trouble will drop everything to get to me, or HAS called in back up if they cannot make it in time. I have a bond that was strong enough to save me from myself. When I found myself at rock bottom depression they pulled me back and supported me until I was myself again. Bullshit is not tolerated, when I am wrong I am wrong and I am not coddled about it. I can be irresponsible, I can be a mess. I am not stupid. I am not a bad person. I am lost, and I WILL be found.
Not everyone has that. Even mine can't be around all the time. Not everyone in a person's life can be there for anyone else like that. The reality of the situation is no one really has to. Understanding. That can be done. Compassion; that's a realistic goal. Stepping down off one's own high horse and seeing what's really going on. Not actively making someone feel out of place. Not degrading a person just because their view or opinion differs from your own. Not being close minded. Trying. Making an effort just to extend a hand.
Life isn't a Disney movie. Not everyone is going to find their happy ending. Every story isn't the same, not every one is going to find the support, acceptance, or just the understanding they need.
Everyone wants to be/find their own Princess; it's rare to find someone who's willing to pull the stick out of their ass and stop being a self absorbed douche bag to make reality any better.
