Trips, motives, and musings.

It's funny how fast time passes. For how quickly time seems to fly by the fleeting moments can contain a lot of events. It seems like I just updated this blog yesterday yet when I look at my last post it was over a year ago. A lot has happened since that yesterday, yet I didn't seem to document any of it.

Here's the thing about this blog- I only update it when I have something to say. For the main reason that the majority of the people I know wouldn't give two shits about the things I post about here. Mainly because the majority of people I know don't really care period. I'm surrounded by facades. Everyone thinks they're so clever; no one could possibly know about their dispassion for everything.

I do.

For example, recently I shared this little slice of myself with two of the people I consider closest to me. I didn't really think the subjects I wrote about here would be overly interesting to either of them, but I wanted to share myself. And while the subjects of the posts may not be interesting, they definitely offer another insight into the insanity that is me.

One of them disappointed me. Badly. It takes a lot of trust for me to share with anyone. Any little piece I give is typically later used for pain, humiliation, or a mix of the two. It takes a lot for me to really share with anyone. I can't say I was surprised by the reaction; but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

...and the other surprised me. Genuinely. I'm still working through their reaction. While I don't think they read it (although I was told it was bookmarked) they thanked me for it. It caught me off guard. Honestly, that particular person does that quite a bit. While the first makes grand gestures to show that I'm "important" (on occasion, when it's convenient) the second does weird, little, every day things. The thing about grand gestures is, they're SUPPOSED to stand out. That's the whole point behind them. They're a means to an end.

Those little gestures though, the mindless ones, those typically show who a person really is. One can say whatever they want but it's the little things they do that show the truth. Concern, compassion, companionship. Even the silly jokes. Interest in unimportant details of a day.

The whole motive may not be clear,  but this trip certainly has given me time for reflection.

~Night Rose